April 12, 1978 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and named her after her father and my grandmother calling her ‘ANDREA MARIE’. She was a beautiful baby long legs, dark hair and big brown eyes. F rom the start she had issues, I would take her to the clinic for her well-baby check-ups and she would scream when needed to have her undershirt removed. She was fearful of everyone except those within the family circle.
At the age of 18 months her father and I divorced, through political connections, and lies her father gained custody and her life and mine became a nightmare we fought in the courts for nineteen years to the point of the judge who had been there from the beginning advised me to file ‘malicious persecution’ charges against my ex. She eventually was returned to me but by then so much damage had been done I can’t even fathom what or to what extent. I only know this child hates me beyond reason, I spoiled her went overboard to give her what ever she wanted sometimes to the detriment of the family unit during visitation and once she was returned to me.
But that is all in the past and it is ugly and hurts me to this day; not hurt for me but for her, I know I wasn’t a perfect mother to her; I didn’t recogonize her mental health issues until too late to help her.
Miss her I do, I miss her beautiful smile her wonderful personality that is really her; not the paranoia and volitale eruptions. I miss my beautiful grandson too. I miss celebrating her birthdays and other holidays with her, I miss our road trips together, I miss her calling me and talking for hours I miss her hugs and love. I miss her.
I know I have an amazing God and He can do all things, I pray for the healing of my Andrea’s heart and mind, I pray for her to see the truth and I pray for her to give her life to God and I pray she will someday call me and just say ‘mom it’s me Andrea, can we talk?’. There would be no anger only love from me, I have forgiven all the past hurts she has caused me and only want to be a part of her life and her a part of mine. I love and miss her so much.
I feel the need to say this …that she was cheated of a ‘normal’ life by what her father and I put her through, no matter how much I preached to Andrea about one day the truth would be known (that I wasn’t who her father said I was) and that he loved her. I tried my best not to fault him in front of her, I know she felt the animosity, I know it had to undermine her self-confidence and her feeling of belonging I know she must have felt like a pawn being torn in each direction. I wish I could change that for her but I can not go back in time I can only hope that someday she will see what I have written and forgive me for the wrongs done to her for our selfish desires.
My warning to parents everywhere if your life must have divorce do not under any circumstances pit your child/ren against the other parent do not use them as a pawn, they are the innocent victims of such behaviour and they are the ones to pay the price. Andrea if you ever read this know that I love you and I ask your forgiveness for your childhood and my part in it. I am so sorry you and your sisters lives were so messed up because we were your parents. Love ~Mom